There is this belief among Filipinos that when a woman is pregnant, what she does, thinks and especially what she eats will affect her babies growth, intelligence, personality and appearance once born. It was a normal thing to see when I was growing up in Philippines to see that pregnant women order odd special dishes one after another. Sometimes I would even hear relatives recommend the woman to eat certain types of food to increase her unborn child’s intelligence, looks, or whatnot. It was a natural thing to experience and somewhat entertaining at times.
After moving here to Norway and adjusting to a new culture, given that the size of our closest relatives diminished to me, my mom and stepfather, this belief, this culture became invisible to me. Until today, that is. Since 2006, I’ve been on a journey of self discovery, pursuit of knowledge and life experience. Therein I participated in several activities, clearly ignoring my own limitations at times and pushing myself to my out most limits, both physically and mentally. I wanted to develop my dream career, so I went to the university. I wanted to be smart and get a head start in my career building so I participated in a student organization and even took a leadership position. I wanted to get real work experience so I pursuit several part-time jobs and got insight to how different industries work. I want to learn and get inspired by other people so I went to a dozen or more conferences, seminars and lunch-meetings.
This year, on January a life changing experience happened. I had to resign from a very interesting activity. The sudden change made it difficult for me to adjust, as I felt physically, mentally and emotionally drained. It felt like a burnout. I was tired, unmotivated and didn’t have any wish to do anything at all. Still, I marched on and did whatever I could to get myself back on my feet. I tripped and hurt myself, so what? I just need time to heal.
I designed a strategy on how I will get back on the horse. I planned the work at first, although looking back it seems more like a plan to recuperate – to reflect and pursuit random exploration. Then I started working the plan and got into a random job at my local university. One day, during my shift at work I came across a book about ADHD – Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. After work, I read up on the subject and felt more and more like I had demonstrated some of the symptoms to this disorder. For a couple of months now I’ve held on this though “Could I have ADHD”?
So going back to the Filipino Culture of “Pinaglihi”… Today I asked mom, randomly of course, if mom believes if I could have ADHD… Her reaction was quite interesting and annoying as well. She started giggling, and telling me stories of how she was when she was pregnant with me. Of what she felt, dreamed about and planning to do. Of her state of mind. The logical part of me was sort shrugging her explanations away because I honestly didn’t feel that what she was telling have any connection to what I was trying to understand. Yet, although how odd it may seem, while she was telling her story and connecting some similarities, I was feeling more and more relieved.
So the conclusion for this story, as it seems, is that the reason I am so sporadic today is because of my mom’s behavior and attitude while she was pregnant with me. I was “pinaglihi” on emotions, dreams, delicious food and struggle for a better life. It feel like a far fetched explanation to my current worries but nonetheless a comfort to know, that there is an explanation and not a symptom for a disorder after all… Or?
Note – To get to know more about “paglilihi”, go to this site.
